Words worth keeping

If someone were to harm my family or a friend or somebody I love, I would eat them. I might end up in jail for 500 years, but I would eat them.

I’ve been fighting to be who I am all my life. What’s the point of being who I am, if I can’t have the person who was worth all the fighting for?

Nothing travels faster than the speed of light, with the possible exception of bad news, which obeys its own special laws.

Nothing takes the taste out of peanut butter quite like unrequited love.

Good sex is like good bridge. If you don't have a good partner, you'd better have a good hand.

Of course motivation is not permanent. But then, neither is bathing; but it is something you should do on a regular basis.

Never miss a good chance to shut up.

What's up?" I asked.You tell me," he said. "You were the one about ready to start making out with Adrian."It was an experiment," I said. "It was part of my therapy."What the hell kind of therapy are you in?

It's hard to enjoy practical jokes when your whole life feels like one.

I've lived through some terrible things in my life, some of which actually happened.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

Did you see that dress?� "I saw the dress.� "Did you like it?� He didn't answer. I took that as a yes. "Am I going to endanger my reputation if I wear it to the dance?� When he spoke, I could barely hear him. "You'll endanger the school.� I smiled and fell asleep.

I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.

If you're too open-minded; your brains will fall out.

Why do people say "grow some balls"? Balls are weak and sensitive. If you wanna be tough, grow a vagina. Those things can take a pounding.