Quotes

Words worth keeping

296 quotes — from Indian and world voices, in English, Hindi and Urdu — while our publisher catalog grows.

Filtered by: Humor Clear all

عشق نے غالب نکما کر دیا، ورنہ ہم بھی آدمی تھے کام کے۔

— مرزا غالب Urdu
Love Humor

If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?

— George Carlin
Humor

Hello, Harry" said George, beaming at him. "We thought we heard your dulcet tones.""You don't want to bottle up your anger like that, Harry, let it all out," said Fred, also beaming. "There might be a couple of people fifty miles away who didn't hear you.

— J.K. Rowling
Humor

If my doctor told me I had only six minutes to live, I wouldn't brood. I'd type a little faster.

— Isaac Asimov
Humor Books & Writing

But Dumbledore says he doesn't care what they do as long as they don't take him off the Chocolate Frog cards.

— J.K. Rowling
Humor

See, the problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time.

— Robin Williams
Humor

A person should not be too honest. Straight trees are cut first and honest people are screwed first.

— Chanakya
Humor Wisdom

Oh, we're playing nice now? Shall we have tea first? Brew up a nice pot of kiss-my-ass?

— Julie Kagawa
Humor

No good deed goes unpunished.

— Oscar Wilde
Humor

Humor is reason gone mad.

— Groucho Marx
Humor

Seventeen, eh!" said Hagrid as he accepted a bucket-sized glass of wine from Fred."Six years to the day we met, Harry, d’yeh remember it?""Vaguely," said Harry, grinning up at him. "Didn’t you smash down the front door, give Dudley a pig’s tail, and tell me I was a wizard?""I forge’ the details," Hagrid chortled.

— J.K. Rowling
Humor

God does not play dice with the universe; He plays an ineffable game of His own devising, which might be compared, from the perspective of any of the other players [i.e. everybody], to being involved in an obscure and complex variant of poker in a pitch-dark room, with blank cards, for infinite stakes, with a Dealer who won't tell you the rules, and who smiles all the time.

— Terry Pratchett
Humor Faith & Religion

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

— Groucho Marx
Humor

Five exclamation marks, the sure sign of an insane mind.

— Terry Pratchett
Humor Books & Writing

My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the heck she is.

— Ellen DeGeneres
Humor Family

World quotes adapted from the Abirate/english_quotes dataset (CC BY 4.0). Indian-figure and Hindi/Urdu quotes are a curated compilation of widely-attributed public sayings.